Al Anon's Tradition 2

Al Anon's Tradition 2: For our group purpose there is but one authority-a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscious. Our leaders are but trusted servants- they do not govern.

The other day I was jokingly grumbling about how a certain member volunteered to run the two meetings I attended most regularly. I joked that he just signed up for "March" because he wanted to secretary every meeting instead of for just one group. He also was the speaker at other Al Anon meetings in our area that month. Obviously, the person was spreading himself too thin, but because he was so visible so much he gave newcomers the unwanted impression that he was an authority figure for the group. Most people don't want to try and make themselves the group's Higher Power, but many times it happens by accident if we don't follow this tradition.

(Photo by Andreas Krappweis.)

The traditions are here to make sure that we don't bring in the dysfunctional habits of our pre-Al Anon days and try to impose them on the group. Because of this, Tradition 2 works with Step 2 (Came to believe that a Higher Power could restore us to sanity.) and Step  3 (Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to a Higher Power and we understood him/her.) While we need our groups to run smoothly, we also can not force decisions ans we need to make sure everyone has a say in changes. I don't know many people that like group conscious meetings, but it allows us all to get together and vote on what we each is best in decisions for the group. Besides, rotating service helps each member participate and become stronger from the benefits.

I left my original Al Anon home group because I felt that it had become dysfunctional. (There are some entries detailing my anxiety about this under the former home group tag.) At that time,  one person took a specific service position, held the only keys to the meeting place, and generally ran most of the business for the group. The group was very large and most people were used to just coming to the meeting without having to do any of the work to make it run. When the member's term in the service position was up he tried to hurriedly force everyone into quickly voting him back in during the part of the meeting when people can make announcements. Other members demanded a group conscious, but by the time that occurred the situation with the member had escalated and there was a painful parting of the ways. The issues with this member caused such a division in the group that I did not want to go back.

I love my current home group because we rotate service so regularly that people only have to secretary once a year—but everyone does it. When there is even  slightest idea of a group issue people call for group conscious and remind others of the rules. We try to be careful to follow the traditions and try to make sure that no one is dominant.

Al Anon's Step 2

Al Anon's Step Two: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

When I first read about this step I didn't like the idea of considering myself insane. That is not the point of the step, though, but it is about trusting in your Higher Power and stopping crazy behavior. In my Al Anon notebooks I have notes telling me that Step one is the problem and Step two is the solution. This step offers sanity as an option, but in the past I never understood that I had this choice.

I remember reading about Step 2 during my first few months in Al Anon. We had just had a very snowy winter and during a particular storm I realized that I had so much food stored away that it would take me six months to eat it all. On top of that, I only lived a block from the supermarket! I grew up in an alcoholic home and we never knew if we were going to eat from one meal to the next. As an adult, I had to take step 2 with my kitchen. I had to realize that I was the adult in the situation and I had done a good job of feeding myself when I needed to. I just had to let go of the "insane" hoarding behavior of the past and trust in both God and myself that I would have something to eat when I needed it.

After being in the program a little while I understood more about "restore us to sanity". It means recognizing a dysfunctional situation and not getting involved in it. Often in Al Anon people quote the saying, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Detachment helps me with this problem.

(Photo by Nils Thingvall.)

For example, I often opt out of activities with my boyfriend's kids, who are all over 21. This is not because I don't like them, but rather because I do not like to be involved with "insane" behavior. Two of them live out of state, do not communicate their plans, and expect him to just be ready and willing to entertain them and pay for everything whenever they show up. Well, my boyfriend grumbles a lot about this but whenever they show up he acts like nothing is wrong and is happy to stop whatever he is doing to do something with them. Well, that is his problem, but I didn't like it when he expected me to be ready and willing to be involved on a moment's notice. I used to agree to doing things with his kids because I wanted to help him make things "normal" for his family. But, then I ended up being resentful because I would give up a day on short notice only to sit around with him while we both wondered when the kids would get there. Then, they were always late and we could not do what we planned. If I complained about this he said that since he didn't see them as much, he wasn't going to say anything to them.

Well, they are not my kids and while I like them I don't have the baggage that he has with them. I don't need to feel guilty if I am not involved because I decided that I can ask other adults to make reasonable plans with me and respect my time. Letting others decide what I will do is "insane" behavior. I decided to be less involved with my boyfriend's children, I have not regretted it once. After these visits he always calls me and complains about them doing the same thing. I've decided to stop doing the same thing over and over again and I am a lot happier.