Al Anon's Step 3

Al Anon's Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 

In retrospect, I now realize that had a lot of trouble with this step. I know that step 3 is often called a "sleeper step" because some of us don't give it the attention it deserves until we realize we can't go on without gaining a deeper understanding of this step. After establishing powerlessness in Step 1 and understanding that a HP is there for us in Step 2, this step has us trusting our Higher Power to take care of the big stuff. The idea of "trust" made it quite a big step for me.

Often in Step 3 meetings people talk about decision-making. Simple decisions—make a decision and let it

(Photo by Andrew Beierle.)

go. We are not responsible for the reactions of other people so we can’t try to do “damage control” when we tell them something. We just have to be straightforward.

When I first read this step, little did I realize how important the “make a decision” part played into it. This step is all about making a decision, doing only what is my responsibility, and then letting go. I try to no longer look for solutions in people who I think are a problem. Not messing with something is the best way to show faith. This step is about serenity and “leaving the battlefield”, or, as in this Al Anon story, “Letting Go of the Rope”. I have learned that responding is better than reacting.

The God Box

One way that I know my Higher Power is working on me is that I go to several Al Anon meetings each week and the same idea or theme carries through all of them. This week's theme is using the God box for detachment and other issues.

(photo by Teodora Vlaicu)

If you don't know what a God box is, it is a fairly simple device that some people in 12 step programs like to use. To make one, take a box and put a slot in the top. Decorate it if you like. The next time there is a problem that you obsess over and can't control, write it down on a piece of paper and put it in the slot. There! God (or whatever you call your Higher Power) will take care of it.

Some people say never open the God box and it should be permanently sealed forever. Others like to open it and measure their own growth by thinking about how they have or haven't improved in terms of these issues.

I actually have a God can instead because last year at our Al Anon group's district workshop the organizers collected coffee cans, decorated them, and gave them to everyone as a door prize. The chirpy message pasted on the front says:

"I can't
God can
I'll let Him!"

I have never cracked mine open yet, but I don't feel it is time yet. I don't want to never open it because I tended to be superstitious in the past and I want to let go of the idea of external forces controlling me. The past me would have thought the God box was really some kind of Pandora's box and if I opened it and looked at it I would unleash all of the problems again. Nope. Tool for growth.

Some people put events or situations in their God box but mostly I put the names of people, usually when they are such an overwhelming ball of wax that I can't figure out what to do anymore except to say let it  go. After yesterday's meeting I have several issues that I was more specific about and I just put those in the box. 

Some days I really need it, some days I forget about it, but it has always been useful.

A Simple Thing

Today when my boyfriend I went on a road trip we stopped by the National Shrine Grotto of Lourdes at Mount Saint Mary's. Places like this always make me feel...well...resistant but then I even up weepy in spite of myself. I grew up Catholic and I know I'm supposed to feel a certain way and if I feel anything that isn't cynical coming on I try to suppress it. You can say I was determined to not have a spiritual awakening.

Maybe I don't want to call it a spiritual awakening but I could call it a simple solution. We visited this place before and when I told my Al Anon sponsor about it she said, "That is where I gave (my alcoholic) to God."

Well, there were some prayer kneeling benches in front of this area with the Mary statue surrounded by water and my boyfriend, being the spiritual guy that he is, plunked down on the wet velvet to meditate on his own thoughts. As usual, I settled in next to him to patiently wait until he was done, not having any spiritual thoughts of my own. Or, rather, resisting them. 

I decided to be a good Al Anonic and say a quick prayer for my creative and money issues--after all I had been discussing them at length with my boyfriend on the trip up. I remembered what my sponsor said about her alcoholic and realized that it was that simple--I should just give these issues to God. A powerful, but simple realization and of course, I was so busy struggling that I never even bothered to think of it. And, despite my resistance I left wet kneed and weepy.