Farmville Deprivation

So, for week 4 in The Artist's Way I was supposed to impose a reading ban on myself. I have many issues with this, of course. I never have time to read in the first place and really miss it.

I had several concerns with the reading ban as outlined in the book. First, Julia Cameron says that artists are addicted to words and reading too much keeps us from getting in touch with our inner self. Well, in the modern world we could say the same about television, the internet or any other electronic entertainment device.

( photo by Hervé Lejeune )

 I can see reading as a form of escapism because when I was young I read all of the time. Back then I would say that a reading ban might have done me some good but I am no longer 14 with my nose constantly stuck in a book. I am 41 and I hardly get to my books. I do have to read a lot at work -- students come in and hand me papers that I have to discuss with them right then and there. In The Artist's Way Julia Cameron cheekily says that artists are “creative” in getting out of what they don't want to do and so we can rely on those skills to get out of the reading we need to do for the week, even if it involves work. Um, no. I would get fired. Plus, I think that is an inappropriate attitude for people trying to improve themselves, as they must surely be when they are using The Artist's Way.

The reading ban is one of the things in the book that makes me think it is a one-size-fits-all program. I would rather think about what would work for me and then try that. Especially since in week 3 she asks us to examine our use of time and identify unnecessary time consuming habits. My most outstanding time-consuming unnecessary habit is Farmville.

Yes, you laugh.  I'm glad this blog is anonymous. On my regular Facebook page I set up filters so my non-Farmville playing friends won't know about my terrible habit of begging for logs, wrenches, animal feed, watering cans and horse tiaras. I also set up 2 other Facebook pages with the purpose of playing against myself and having more room to "farm". Every morning I get up, make coffee, and spend the first hour of the day with Farmville. When I am home doing other work on the computer, I keep going back and forth to Farmville. I can't stay away from it. Also, many of my Facebook friends gave it up but one friend is chronically ill and often housebound. She plays ALL DAY LONG and her enthusiasm often sweeps me up. It gives me a little bit of a way to connect with her, I guess, even if it is in a dysfunctional way.

A couple of weeks ago I decided it would be easiest to start the Farmville ban when I went to the beach because I would be without easy internet access for a few days. That is not so simple because when I went in August I was in the middle of one of the quests and went to the local free wifi spot to work on my farms. This time, even though I had my netbook, I only used it to work on exercises from The Artist's Way or other constructive writing things.

I felt victorious when I got home the last night of the trip and did not turn on my computer in the middle of the night, as I would have done in the past.

After that it seemed smoother sailing. It was a busy work week and I had no time for unnecessary things. I am proud of myself because I didn't even look at Farmville for 8 days. My higher power sent me some writing work and some other constructive things to do.

I did try Farmville over the days after that but it now seems very irritating, time consuming and useless. And, my housebound friend is so sick of the elaborate quests that she wants to give it up too. So, there. I can say I got infinitely more out of that than the reading deprivation.

The Artist's Way Check-in: Week 4

This week finds me a bit down in the dumps though I do have some small good things to report about my writing life. I'm trying to work on being open to receive good things as they come my way and even try to expect them. This is a hard thing for me, an adult child of an alcoholic because I've been conditioned to be afraid of any form of communication, especially mail, phone calls and even email. (In fact, I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't afraid of getting big envelopes in the mail. That is - psychologically big.) But, I'm trying.

(engraving by Pierre-Joseph Redouté)

Here we go with a ho-hum check-in.

Morning Pages: Here and there, but no real dedication to them.

Artist's Date: Again, I was going to say "no" but this afternoon I went to meet my boyfriend at the library and they had an exhibit of antique books with hand colored plates. They were beautiful and mostly relating to nature. So, I snuck in another 15 minute artist's date before going to meet him on another floor. 

Issues: Well, the above mentioned attitude issues, plus working on things when they show promise.  The editor that asked me for my best article promoted it on Facebook over the weekend! On Friday when I found out she  was doing it I spent some time tweaking and polishing my other articles on that site so at least I did something in response to the news, which is my goal after all -- I need to build up a little universal momentum in these things but the wheels are squeaky and rusty. I also started researching a new article for them and then got some more writing work from a previously dead source. I am grateful because I let two Al Anon friends talk me into a day trip to NY in October and this will pay for the bus fare -- if I get it done.

I didn't do any of the Time Travel excervcises in Chapter 4 of The Artist's Way. I just didn't care to do those. I didn't do the reading deprivation either, but I substituted something else, which became much more beneficial to me.  That, my darlings, will be a whole other post as I have quite a lot to say about it.

The Artist's Way Check - in: Week 3

This week was rather busy and then we went away for a long weekend to the beach. But, since I didn't have a chance to read I brought The Artist's Way with me and worked through some of the exercises. While I felt that the "rediscovering your childhood interests" applied to me that wasn't what I really wanted to work on this week. I did find other things to think about, though.

Morning Pages:  I did some writing most days but only on a few days did I do the whole 3 pages. Like I said, it was busy for me during the work week.

(photo by kslyesmith of stock.xchng)

Artist Date: Surprisingly, I did 2. On Wednesday after work I squeezed in a 15 minute visit to a museum within walking distance of my job. They had an exhibit on antique writing instruments that I wanted to catch before it closed over the weekend. Then, yesterday morning while I was still at the beach I borrowed a bike and rode around with my camera at about sunrise. That was great and something I'll likely repeat the next time I'm down there.

Issues: I got a lot out of the reading on synchronicity, which Julia Cameron defines as positive coincidences that help us progress with our art. I liked the part about how we don't act on synchronicity because we are afraid. Last week I started to be aware of synchronicity but over the weekend I examined why I am afraid of it and why I don't act on it. It seems like I do a lot of work and it goes nowhere. So, I'm going to change my attitude about it and when I see synchronicity I'm going to think of some action(s) to take, no matter how small. Like they say in Al Anon "Do the legwork and let go of the results."

For example, in last week's check-in I mentioned a new writing opportunity.  So I decided on 2 things I could do to help this along, which were listening in on a conference call for their writers (if I get home from work on time) and working on a new article so I will have more of a body of work in my preferred area. Well, I've been away and haven't had a chance to start a new article but I did get back to find an email from the editor asking me which of my articles she should look at, but only one. It looks like the email is a few days old so I knew I should get on the ball and reply.

Well, what did I do? I went downstairs and read the paper. I knew which was my favorite and best (though not necessarily the most popular) article and it would have taken me two minutes to reply, but no.... I thought I would do it when I got to work but I've got another full boat today and so finally I made myself come up here and do it. Well, I am The Resistant Artist.

I think my problem is that today I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I had four blissful days without the internet and now I have an email inbox full of stuff from work, writing, and friends that need attention. Plus, stuff around the house and another busy week ahead. My cure for this is to find a quiet spot and make a to-do list. That way I can tackle one small thing at a time without over-thinking it.

Also, the day I wrote out my fears about synchronicity I had a chance to talk to my boyfriend about it and he also shared his concerns about his own work. So, it was good to open up and bond with him a bit.

The Artist's Way Check-in: Week 2

I thought I hadn't been into The Artist's Way much this week but then I realized that I went through a number of the exercises in the week 2 chapter before life got too busy over the weekend.

Morning Pages: 6 1/2 of 7. I got derailed over the weekend and never got back to it. Considering my resistance, I'm not too unhappy that I didn't do them.

Artist's Date: Once again I thought I was going to say "nothing" but I got an invitation to a party at a yarn store a few blocks from me. Really, it was to show off the new line of artisan yarns from different small dyers and spinners. I like this particular yarn shop because they have good relations with the community and once in awhile I participate in their charity knitting projects. But, their yarn is super expensive and I can't afford to buy it. (I knit a lot and when I tell people this they think I am finicky about my yarn and shop at places like this all the time. I don't have the heart to tell them I'm a sale at Michael's kind of gal.) I just thought I'd look at the pretty new yarns and perhaps talk knitting.

(photo by Alicia Jo McMahan)

Well, I wasn't feeling too social when I got there because it was Sunday afternoon, normally a day of family for me, which wears me out. Surprisingly, a number of people wanted to chat me up about the food. (Chocolate, finger foods, fudge, ect.) It was excellent. The cupcake icing was so tender and light that I've never licked anything like it before. The yarn was pretty and fun to play with and I got some free patterns. I also had a Dixie cup full of white wine -- a real oddity for me because I rarely drink because it reminds me of growing up with alcoholism. Well, I decided to not be so uptight but I did relish the chocolate more than the wine.

The yarn was beautiful and the colors were amazing, but again, not while I'm on a budget. One artist named her colors after local landmarks and there was a beautiful deep red named after a building that my boyfriend has a pleasant association with. Well, when my budget gets better perhaps I'll go back and make him something with it.

Issues: hating writing and having no self motivation. I kind of put it on the back burner but now that I think of it, it kept me from doing my morning pages and posting some things I wanted to say in this blog. Plus, I thought more about why I hate to draw.

In going through the week 2 excercises in The Artist's Way I discovered that I'm not bad with self care, but it is mostly lumped on the weekends. I stopped going to my Wednesday night Al Anon meeting  because after some crime was reported I didn't want to go out alone at night. But, I do plan to call my sponsor on Wednesday evenings now and I often poke in on the meetings on Step Chat.  I'm not using any of my self care time for "small creative acts" (as Julia Cameron says in the book) so perhaps that is something to work on.

Good Stuff: Just when I got on the computer this afternoon I got an email from a web site where I wrote about 5  articles for fun and then left off of because even though it was positive, the articles weren't money makers. Well, they sent me an email saying they were putting one of my articles in their fancy new web magazine, which means more exposure and probably more money. I'm not sure what this is all about yet, but the topic was something that I like writing about a whole lot better than the stuff I get paid for.

The Artist's Way - Week 1 check in

After complaining about The Artist's Way so much here I am going through it again. I do recognize it has its uses.

Daily morning pages: yes, every day, but rarely first thing in the morning. I guess it was OK. I did a lot of thinking that I sometimes distilled in this blog, which helps me after my internal rant that freewriting seldom turns into anything.

(photo by Gianni Testore)

Did I do my artist's date this week? Well, I was going to say no until this morning. When I was looking at The Artist's Way again last week I realized that was one of the hardest things about it, is that I never look at art anymore, or even anything visually interesting. I WORK in an art school and I pass by art every day. I sometimes get so burned out on the art scene that I just ignore it all. I just need to get out of the bubble that is my work place and learn to enjoy art again, even if it is only looking.

This morning, since it is Labor Day my gym had special classes and I went to one for Relaxation Yoga.  Well, not exactly visual art, but it was great for the senses and very calming. We did a 30 minute meditation at the end and the teacher handed out eye pillows, blankets and neck pillows. She gave us a lavender sachet to keep at the end. So, I thought I would make some of these pretty little things for myself to encourage a meditation practice at home. One of my delights about doing something different is that I always find something to make in relation to it, though it is usually not art but something that is useful.

Issues: yes, well...in doing my check-in I noticed the difference this time around. When I first did The Artist's Way some years ago it was about gaining self confidence and laying old demons. Now, my issues seem to be about art as work and not play. It is my job, what I do when I write for content mills, what I do when I get roped into doing that stupid craft fair that I used to do every year. Art to me now is all about making stuff for a purpose-- to get paid but then I get paid very little in relation to other things that art seems to be a chore that nothing will come of. It is sort of a black hole of writing articles about plants and crafting with yarn and velvet and making little things that I think people will impulse buy.

So, there. I guess my mission is to rediscover fun.

Not the Artist's Way

The last thing I want to do is start a new blog, but here I am starting a new blog because I am so darned opinionated lately. My upcoming rants will probably be a lot about art, artists, making or not making art. I want to vent on this blog so I can remain anonymous as I have my name attached to a job, published writing, and other public works. See, there I have to keep up a front but here I can talk about how I hate my art and say other things that may offend the people who might want to pay me money to do something in the future.

Some days I'm just a cranky cat. (photo: Björn Franken)

My other concern about being anonymous is that I am a grateful member of Al Anon and might want to discuss that here, too. As I think about some of these artist's "recovery" programs I invariably like to compare and contrast.  A few days ago, in a creative funk, I looked up A.R.T.S. Anonymous, simply because it uses the 12 step format that I know and feel comfortable with. While they don't have meetings in my area I did join their online group and am still testing the waters.

Some of this material reminded me of when I went through The Artist's Way about 6 or 8 years ago. In fact, I have a copy but can't find it so I ran down after work to get it out of the library. That did a lot for me but as I re-read the material after not looking at it for awhile I find I think of it very differently. I'm 41 now and have been regularly publishing my writing since then. But, I hate what I am writing and I still don't do the art I went to art school to learn all about. In fact, I WORK in an art school and find myself perpetuating some of the things I hate about art school. (More about that another day.) So, my thoughts about The Artist's Way this time are not so much to slavishly go through the exercises but to read and reflect and to use the tools that might help.

Part of why my view of why The Artist's Way is different to me now is that I see it as a bit uptight and a maybe a cult of personality. The Al Anon anonymity and "Take what you like and leave the rest" have worked out much better for me.