Step 12 and a friend

 The other day at work a friend returned from a family vacation in obvious distress. A member of her family had spent the entire vacation drinking excessively and now my friend was worried that the person is an alcoholic.  Of course, I feel very strongly about that issue, but I was glad that I didn't say anything until I was asked about it because another coworker decided to ask her lots of questions about her relative's drinking. He asked her all about how many drinks the person usually has, how many drinks the person had on the day in question, and how many alcoholics were already in the family. This was all in an effort to "help" my friend decide if her relative is an alcoholic. I felt really bad for my friend because it seemed very embarrassing for her.

I knew that my friend would come to me later to talk to me alone, so that is another reason I stayed out of

(Photo by DuBoix of morgueFile.)

the discussion. I didn't want to get into a debate with the second coworker, who seemed very opinionated about the whole thing.  When we did talk I told her that we can't label a person an alcoholic until they declare themselves one. (I always do this at the request of my AA member boyfriend. I find that he is right--calling someone alcoholic when they aren't ready to see that only provokes resistance and confrontation. We need to respect the person to make that decision on their own.) She knew I was in Al Anon and asked for more information.

A couple of days later I gave her some basic pamphlets and told her that I regularly attended a certain meeting if she wanted to come one night. This is what a long time Al Anon member suggested to me--give them the information and don't think any more about it. If they go--great, but if they don't go I haven't invested any needless emotional effort into it. I also know that alcoholism can be a touchy situation for newcomers and that it can take awhile for them to screw up the courage to come to a meeting.

A couple of nights later I attended a meeting where we talked about Tradition 8 (Al Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.) I realized that this is why I didn't give her my "expert" opinion on her situation. I knew from other Al Anon members that simply carrying the message often works best. I think the best thing I can do for my friend now is to just be a good example of an Al Anon member by working my program for myself and keeping the focus on myself.

Al-Anon's Tradition 8

Al-Anon’s Tradition 8: Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

(Photo by Dimitris Kritsotakis.)

The traditions aren’t big in my area, so I’ve only been to one meeting that discussed Tradition 8. To me this tradition directly relates to Step Twelve: Having had a spiritual awakening, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principals in all our affairs. We can each use our gifts as volunteers to spread the word about the program.

Another way this tradition helps is to not give newcomers the impression that they are being “sold” a particular philosophy that may chase them away. We announce at the beginnings of the meetings to keep outside religions and professions out of the discussion. This helps members (newcomers in particular) realize that their opinions are just as valid as others, “professional” or not. It makes people’s shares more human and we can better identify with one another.

Since I am not a professional in any job that this would apply to, I have to remember for myself that I am not a professional and I don’t need to give unsolicited advice about medical care, mental illness, legal matters or other things on which I am not qualified to give advice on.

Tradition 8 is another measure that keeps us equal. I know that people who have been in the program for years and years come in suffering as if it were their first day. We can’t lord it over each other because focusing on others keeps us from focusing on ourselves.

I assume that the “special workers” means people who get paid, or else there probably wouldn’t be enough volunteers to run some of the day-to-day functions of the office. No group can ask the few who are willing to work for free to take on extra work all of the time. I’m sure this would bring out the martyrs, which is a character defect that the Al Anon program often addresses and helps members to eliminate.