Eventual Amends

Lately I've been struggling with a situation that I think will eventually require amends. The situation, right now, is very difficult for me so I think this clouds my thinking. I'm also still going through my Al Anon notes to prepare to write an entry about Step 9 (Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.) I think my current feeling about the amends I think I need to make is leading to procrastination on this entry, but today after sorting out my notes I feel better.

(Photo by Justyna Furmanczyk.)

I made the following notes in different Al-Anon meetings over the past few years. For me, right now, this is what I need to know about Step 9:

• This step is about waiting and being quiet. The opportunity for amends will come at the right time and shouldn't be forced.
• Part of this waiting is backing off and allowing others to see their own mistakes. I don't need to force this either, and backing off allows me to detach enough to see my part in the relationship.
• Being willing to make amends is different from being ready. I feel a willingness in the area I am struggling with but I am not yet ready, and that is OK too.
• I should not giving people power over my own happiness - amends helps settle issues in my mind.
• To make amends I must be willing to bear the discomfort.
• The humility part of Step 7 (Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.) can help with Step 9. I have to learn to put aside things that are not really important to the issue.

There are many other things I can write about with this step, but this is just what I am working on right now.