The Newcomer

Oh, my...what a strange day.

I was the speaker at an Al-Anon meeting near where I live. I thought it would be no sweat because it is generally a small meeting (under 10 people) and I know all of them. I also invited my sponsor, since I am aware her recent crankiness is due to her being down and I wanted to reach out to her. I decided to talk about what I've learned about humility recently (which I will post about in another entry).

(Photo by Cheryl Empey.)

For the past couple of years I've been trying to gently invite my boyfriend's daughter to Al-Anon. She is a very difficult person to be around at times and after I joined Al Anon I could see myself in her. While I've been gentle in my approach to her I don't accept her bad behavior because I did the same things when I was young and I did them because I was affected by alcoholism.

Anyway, a good Al Anon person suggested that I just invite her to a meeting and let it go. I've been doing that for years but much to my surprise she walked in a few minutes after today's meeting started. I knew that once she got in the door she would be taken care of. I am grateful that my sponsor and another good Al-Anon friend reached out to her and made her feel welcome.

As for me, I was suddenly very nervous. To me, it seemed like the longest Al Anon meeting I've been to, except for my first one. Plus, since I was the speaker when people shared they thanked me for my lead and touched on my topic--I really hate being the center of attention, even if it is positive.

Boyfriend came to pick me up after the meeting. He had originally wanted to hear me speak but ended up having to do something he couldn't get out of. (Thank you Higher Power, for getting him out of my way.)

In the car afterwards Boyfriend acted like it was a major annoyance for me to have Daughter show up. (They ran into each other after the meeting.) Then, he asked me about her behavior, such as, was she fidgety or did she act out? We are talking about a 31 year old here!! I don't want to get involved in their relationship but one of the reasons I wanted to get her to Al Anon was that I am sad to see him so controlling of her and how treats her like a toddler. He also finds her very aggravating and every time we talk about spending time with her he talks about how she's going to be this messy, annoying, ill mannered blob. I didn't want to violate her privacy by talking in detail about how she was during the meeting, but I told him that she behaved like a normal person and that I hoped he would learn to trust her to behave like an adult in the future.

I am happy and grateful that Daughter was there. Even if she never comes back we got to bond a little and strengthen each other.