Out of Sorts

I had actually forgotten that I was writing in this blog. I'm surprised that it has so many entries in it. But, I got back to it after looking up some Al-Anon blogs so I could get a fresher perspective on the program. I now want to return to writing here to help me figure some things out.

My Higher Power has been working me hard this summer but now I feel like I've come to a point where I am a bit burned out and I am not sure what to do next. I am under a lot of stress and find myself fighting with my boyfriend when he needs me most, which is most horrible. I am also out of sorts with my sponsor and in the back of my mind I want to find somebody else. But, that is not a priority at this point as I haven't had a chance to talk to her about my discomfort yet. 

(Photo by code1name of stock.xchng.)

A couple of things I'll go more into later, when I gather my thoughts better:

1.) What step am I on? I've been in Al Anon long enough to have done all the steps, but then I also think that opportunities to think about or work the steps occur regularly as they help maintain my daily life. Maybe this is because the easiest meetings for me to get to are step meetings. Anyway, it seems that Step 7 has been haunting me in recent meetings, so, even though I am resistant, I should take another look at that one. At the very least, it will keep me from being adrift in the program, which I fear may be happening.

2.) Service Opportunities (Step 12)- At the end of July I will be the speaker at a small meeting that I am fond of and the topic should loosely relate to (what else?) Step 7. I'm also responsible for setting the topic/sharing for an online group that I belong to in August. One way that my thinking has changed since I was in Al-Anon is that in the past I would have sweated over this and planned it down to the last degree. Now I just mull it over in the back of my mind and let my Higher Power guide me to the final topic almost at the last minute. I still make notes, both for my own step work and also because I am a terrible public speaker who forgets everything without notes.

3.) Meditation- I also just realized that Step 11 is coming in through the back door a bit as well. Last month I signed up for Yoga Journal's 28 day Meditation Revolution and then forgot about it until the emails began arriving last week. I'm giving it the old college try but, as usual, I am resistant so it is not easy. I'll mull over this in a future entry.

4.) Art and Writing- OK, the big main thing that I forgot about with this blog is my art and writing because I had intended to use this as a place to take things in a new direction. Now I feel I'm in a quiet resting phase with that but I will explain that more later.