Sponsor Woes

So, the other night I was telling my boyfriend that I had revived my blog and we had an interesting discussion about why an Al-Anon or AA member would have a blog. He seems to think that this violates the traditions in some way. I let him know that if it is anonymous and the blogger makes clear that this is his/her personal opinion and not the official opinion of the program, it can be quite beneficial. I told him that I could spread out and write more about my feelings and also talk about things that I probably wouldn't talk about in a meeting. For example, my feelings about my sponsor.

(Photo by ilco of stock.xchng.)

As I mentioned before I feel that I need to find a new Al Anon sponsor. I am not comfortable with how she handles things. I feel like when I call her I must be on the defensive because she always assumes that I am not behaving properly towards my boyfriend even though I haven't yet told her  a thing. She also assumes that I am having a problem with him, even though I have several alcoholics in my life. One of the main complications is that she is friends with both my boyfriend and myself. He is a double winner and we often attend the same adult child oriented Al Anon meeting, of which my sponsor is my longtime member. (A group that I used to consider my home group -- but more about that another day. I do go to a couple of meetings a week alone, where few people know him.) Often when I call her she wants to talk only about him and his moods but not about me. I feel like I am in his shadow in so many ways with both her and that particular group. She is also often worried about his drinking again. I think that this is counter-intuitive to the Al Anon program and as part of my program I have to trust him--it doesn't help that she brings it up so much.

While I was reading an excellent blog by an AA member they spoke about being "fired" by a sponsee. So, I Googled something like "fire your sponsor" and got a post from the blog Through an Al-Anon Filter called "I Feel Like My Sponsor Judges Me". Wow, this post really hit me head on. Even though I still attend meetings regularly I feel estranged from Al-Anon these days. This is why I've turned to the internet and blogging again. I really just want to talk to people who don't know who I am and won't judge me based on my relationship with one particular alcoholic.