Intimacy

(Illustration by Rafael Marchesini.)

In the third session of the Fall 2010 workshop I went to a session on intimacy. This, I knew, was a hard topic for me because I've never allowed many people to get close to me. Even now, I have few friends, though Al Anon allows me to be more social that I used to be. In fact, I go to so many Al Anon events because they are “safe”. I know many of the people and I know there will be no drinking. However, socializing outside of Al Anon continues to be a struggle. Because I came from the "crazy" alcoholic family I never wanted people to know my secrets and I was ashamed of just everything about myself. I had no idea of how to have a "normal" friendship. So, here are some of my notes from the past fall workshop session on intimacy.

Intimacy starts with letting others love you. Not being yourself around people prevents intimacy. And, depending on yourself to solve everything  all of the time prevents engaging with other people. The difficult part of intimacy comes when you have to tell people things you don't want to tell them or that  you willl know they won't like. When people talk about intimate things you love them more.

I just realized that Al Anon and the 12 steps are all about fostering intimacy. Telling another human being about your shortcomings and they will listen without judgment. Learning to accept yourself after seeing that other people accept you for what you are.