Loosening Up on Finances

This is another reflection on my Al Anon's district workshop for the Fall of 2010. That day I picked a session on Finances to go to. I thought I never had trouble with fiances because I am a penny pincher. Yet, somethign about that workshop appealed to me. I thought I would be the only one there who wasn't a crazy compulsive spender, but I've found that being afraid to spend money is also a problem worthy of attention.

I have always been reluctant to spend money. I pay my bills on time, and shop at thrift stores and in discount places. I clip coupons and stock up on groceries when they are on sale. Saving money for me is a sport. So, I thought that since I didn't have any problems with this I was good with my money. It wasn't until I came to Al Anon that I realized my penny pinching wasn't fair to myself and that I should learn to loosen up and use my money a little better.

(Photo by Svilen Milev.)

I grew up in an alcoholic home where there was never any money. The bills were not paid and we sometimes did not have any food. Since my mom was not capable of doing the grocery shopping I was the one to go to the supermarket. I was often caught between my parents as I struggled to pick out the groceries my mother wanted and still buy them with the funds my father gave me.

As I sat in that workshop that day I learned that I was seeing money in a highly personal way. I was afraid to let go of my money because of what I went though as a kid. One of the first things I did after coming to Al Anon was to eat up all of the stockpiled food I had in my cupboards, refrigerator and freezer. I realized that I am an adult and I can take care of myself. I also should trust in my Higher Power for help.

During the workshop that day I learned that detachment can help with money issues. Other people, like an accountant, can help with skills that don't have. Yes, so even though I am bad at math and have no idea of what to do with investments (and I have no interest in obtaining these skills) I still can hire a professional to help me.

After that workshop I spent some time looking at my money and figuring out how to be more efficient with it. I put together a budget on mint.com  and for the first time in my life I set aside money for self care, such as gym membership and new clothes. I took a good look at what I needed. As a penny pincher I didn't need to cut back, but rather I needed to loosen up and treat myself better by spending my hard earned money on myself.