Progress not Perfection

Here is another post I recently sent to an online Al Anon group.

(Photo by Svilen Milev.)

I don't remember when it all started, but in my family I was always the "good" child who tried to do everything right. Later, as an adult this turned into being overly concerned about being "perfect". I always had my lawn mowed, my house clean and my bills paid. I was afraid of anything that might bring criticism or scrutiny. I know now that there are a couple of reasons why I did this. First of all, my alcoholic mother was very critical of everything I did. She was rough on me when it came to school and homework, so I always felt I had no choice but to get top grades. She even became overly concerned about my clothing.  As I headed out for school each day, she stood in  a certain spot next to the stairs so she could look up my skirt and see if I was wearing a slip! (This was in an age where most girls didn't wear slips anymore.)

As an adult I still felt that I had to be the one that stood out for being the best. Besides being insecure, I didn't want any attention drawn to myself. This is also an affect of coming from an alcoholic home--ours always stood out as the "crazy" family. I figured that if my home and appearance were "perfect" no one would guess my background. I guess I didn't realize that people thought my constant perfectionism made me stand out!

Through Al Anon I learned that it is OK to make mistakes and even learn to laugh at them. For the bigger mistakes, I have the 12 steps (particularity Steps 4-10). I have learned to understand which mistakes actually harm other people and which do not. For the harmful ones, I can decide on what the next right action should be to make amends. After that, I can go on with my life without agonizing over it.

I have also learned to be a little sloppy here and there and sometimes let the yard work go. For example, I haven't deadheaded my flowers in m garden in awhile but as a result of my "sloppiness" some beautiful wild canaries have been coming to eat the seeds from my spent zinnias. They would not be there I had rushed to make everything neat like I used to.