Reconciliation

Oh, geeeze..too much emotion these days.

My boyfriend and I kissed and made up. I knew that if I left him alone for a few days he would probably right himself. In fact, he wanted to give me the leftover codeine but I didn't want that--I don't want him to think that I need to take the drugs or alcohol away from him in order for me to trust him.

(Photo by Nikhil Desai.)

Coming back together was very emotional and hard for me. I tried to live my life while I wasn't seeing him but in the back of my mind I worried that he was drinking or using drugs again. I realized that we could have lost all that we had together. Even though he's been sober for 5 years it was suddenly very real to me that he will be an alcoholic and an addict for the rest of his life. I guess I always knew this intellectually but never had it demonstrated as bluntly as with the codeine episode.

Also, I told him that I would no longer attend "our" Al Anon adult child focus meeting together. I've been growing away from that meeting and I want to be in meetings where I can be free to be a whole person. Normally I never share in that meeting unless it is about my alcoholic parents, because he is there. Also, in the last meeting we went to together he shared his Al Anon related view of the past week,which was painful for me to hear. (He didn't talk about me in front of me...it was about other things.) I want to get out of his way so he can talk as well, which he rarely does.