Shackin' Up With Jesus

Today I went to church with my boyfriend. It is a Methodist church, but we aren't Methodists. We started going at the invitation of Boyfriend's Daughter and this proved to be a rare and non-confrontational way to spend time with her. She has since become a member. We don't go every week, about twice a month. I don't want to get into talking about my long struggle to define a Higher Power, but I've never been back to the church of my origin, and it took me a long time to be comfortable at any church service. Now, boyfriend and I alternate between this and another church, simply because we feel comfortable and happy in both places.It also provides a way to discuss our beliefs and values.

(Photo by Irina Martynuk.)

Today, the pastor asked to speak with us both after the service and she wanted to ask us to consider becoming members. (Typical of my boyfriend, he assumed that she had asked for him only and asked me to wait for him until they were done.) I know that this is probably a natural outcome of regularly attending one church, but I felt a little cornered by the discussion.

This minister is big on service to the church and often makes that a part of her sermon. I told her that I didn't live nearby and didn't have a car. I only come with Boyfriend and since I couldn't get there by myself I wouldn't be able to do what most members do. She said that didn't matter but then said that she wanted to grow her membership because it was unfair to call upon the same people to do things around the church. She wanted to press this further with me, but luckily Boyfriend's ego intruded and he wanted to tell her all about himself, directing the attention away from me.  To conclude, she said we were "shackin' up with Jesus" when we needed to make more of a commitment.

Afterwards, this reminded me a bit of my dilemma with my former Al Anon home group. It was the first Al Anon group that I went to. Boyfriend thought I should go to some meetings and volunteered to take me to the first available meeting since he was curious about it himself.  This turned to be an adult child oriented meeting far from where I live.

Even though I loved the group once, I always had to turn down service opportunities because I couldn't get there without boyfriend. Plus, I always felt like I was in his shadow, because he is the more outgoing one who is very attention seeking. People there often asked about him, but not me. If we weren't stuck together all of the time, people thought there was something wrong and we became a source for gossip. That is really against the Al Anon principals and not why I go to meetings.

Yesterday was the first day I didn't go with him to my former home group and it felt great. I went to the farmer's market and saw people I know from Al Anon in my neighborhood, so it was a little "meeting before the meeting" discussion. I found out that a Saturday morning group that used to be in the building where I work was switched to another place. (For obvious reasons, I didn't feel comfortable going to it.) An Al Anon friend reached out to me and invited me to the meeting and so I went. It was nice. I got what I needed, and I didn't miss boyfriend at all.

I don't know which group I will pick for my home group but it will be a group that Boyfriend never goes to and it will be close enough to where I live so I can do service regularly. My Al Anon service is usually related to events like luncheons or online because I hate leading groups. I used to secretary in small groups and may go back to that again.