Al Anon's Step 2

Al Anon's Step Two: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

When I first read about this step I didn't like the idea of considering myself insane. That is not the point of the step, though, but it is about trusting in your Higher Power and stopping crazy behavior. In my Al Anon notebooks I have notes telling me that Step one is the problem and Step two is the solution. This step offers sanity as an option, but in the past I never understood that I had this choice.

I remember reading about Step 2 during my first few months in Al Anon. We had just had a very snowy winter and during a particular storm I realized that I had so much food stored away that it would take me six months to eat it all. On top of that, I only lived a block from the supermarket! I grew up in an alcoholic home and we never knew if we were going to eat from one meal to the next. As an adult, I had to take step 2 with my kitchen. I had to realize that I was the adult in the situation and I had done a good job of feeding myself when I needed to. I just had to let go of the "insane" hoarding behavior of the past and trust in both God and myself that I would have something to eat when I needed it.

After being in the program a little while I understood more about "restore us to sanity". It means recognizing a dysfunctional situation and not getting involved in it. Often in Al Anon people quote the saying, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Detachment helps me with this problem.

(Photo by Nils Thingvall.)

For example, I often opt out of activities with my boyfriend's kids, who are all over 21. This is not because I don't like them, but rather because I do not like to be involved with "insane" behavior. Two of them live out of state, do not communicate their plans, and expect him to just be ready and willing to entertain them and pay for everything whenever they show up. Well, my boyfriend grumbles a lot about this but whenever they show up he acts like nothing is wrong and is happy to stop whatever he is doing to do something with them. Well, that is his problem, but I didn't like it when he expected me to be ready and willing to be involved on a moment's notice. I used to agree to doing things with his kids because I wanted to help him make things "normal" for his family. But, then I ended up being resentful because I would give up a day on short notice only to sit around with him while we both wondered when the kids would get there. Then, they were always late and we could not do what we planned. If I complained about this he said that since he didn't see them as much, he wasn't going to say anything to them.

Well, they are not my kids and while I like them I don't have the baggage that he has with them. I don't need to feel guilty if I am not involved because I decided that I can ask other adults to make reasonable plans with me and respect my time. Letting others decide what I will do is "insane" behavior. I decided to be less involved with my boyfriend's children, I have not regretted it once. After these visits he always calls me and complains about them doing the same thing. I've decided to stop doing the same thing over and over again and I am a lot happier.