Sorting It All Out

I haven't posted in a bit because it has just been a strange week and I am still thinking over many things. I've been going to Al Anon meetings most days and it helps me to reconnect with people. I love these women-- they show up as if they are dressed for church or a luncheon even if they are feeling bad. I started doing that too, when I go to the meetings where I see them. It helps me to "Get up, suit up, show up" as my sponsor says, and part of "Fake it 'til you make it."

So, I worked things out with my sponsor and we kissed and made up. (I feel a little embarrassed about my previous entry on sponsor woes now, but it was something I was going through and I wanted to write about it.) Then we had a long lunch together where we talked about the mechanics of Boyfriend, his daughter and myself all attending Al Anon meetings at once.

(Photo by Sanja Gjenero.)

Boyfriend has a car and can go to any meeting he wants, Daughter and I don't and can't. He said that he would leave if she showed up at a meeting where he was. He seems to be afraid that she will complain about him in front of him and negatively point him out in front of others, as she sometimes does. 

I want to give Daughter her privacy but also be a friendly face for her. I haven't talked to her since her first meeting and so I don't know how she would feel to have me present. I don't think this would be a problem even though she lives near me because I work during the day and she doesn't. I will probably seldom see her in the rooms. I also don't want to talk to her about issues that I have with her father because I don't want to encourage any resentments.

It is hard to not think about all of this. An Al-Anon friend suggested that I invite people but then let go of the outcome. This is easier for me to say than to do because this is so personal. This is a chance to bond with Daughter, who clearly needs Al Anon. But, I know that being overbearing could scare her away. Boyfriend said that when she's called him (as she does daily) she has been better towards him. It is hard for me to not ask for any details. I don't know what she thought of the meeting or if she wants to keep coming back. I don't know if she has been to any meetings since then. In fact, I have decided that if I see her I should not talk about Al Anon unless she brings it up first so I don't sound too pushy.

Also, I mentioned before that Boyfriend and I attend an Adult Child focus Al Anon meeting together. We often see couples attend together and thought nothing of it. My sponsor suggested that we try not to do that as, technically, members of a couple are supposed to go to meetings as individuals. We both hate missing that meeting because it is the only one of its type in the area. Instead we are now just sitting in different parts of the room (it is a very large meeting). I sit with my sponsor and some women while he sits with some men. That seems to be a good solution for now.