Anger

I'm getting back on track with Al-Anon. I've been going to a meeting a day and making an effort to say something at each meeting. I also had a long talk with my sponsor this afternoon and found that, surprisingly, we've been going through the same thing with the program lately.

But, what I would like to talk about today is anger. Yesterday I went to a meeting where they tarted off by reading the July 26 entry from the One Day at a Time in Al-Anon daily reader. The reading is about stopping to think instead of retaliating but most people chose to talk about anger--either being very angry or never being angry. I am one of those people who never lets anyone know I am angry.

(Photo by Sanja Gjenero.)

I have spent my life around people who got angry very easily over nothing--and many of those people were alcoholics. I considered anger to be something extreme and sick, especially since most of these people seemed angry all the time or were prone to violent flashes of rage. I did not want to appear to be angry.

The reading mentioned retaliation, but I was more afraid of retaliation from other people. I knew that if I expressed negative emotions, someone was sure to get back to me.Or, if it was someone I loved they would leave me.

Lately I've been having crazy flashes of anger at my boyfriend. Granted, it has been very, very hot and we both are very, very stressed. But, I also think I am beginning to feel more of my emotions after a few years in Al Anon. Also, I think I am now stronger and can be angry with him without fearing that he may leave me and I can resist him when he tries to convince me that my feelings are not justified.

I love my boyfriend, but he is an alcoholic and he can be manipulative. Often when I express a negative emotion he says that my feelings are "wrong" and gives me lectures about forgiveness (without actually asking for it) and then he badgers me to let go of the issue. That used to frustrate me but now I realize that he does not want to look at his own part in things so he puts pressure on me. I just be firm in telling him that my feelings are hurt, I have a right to think the way that I do and I have a right to be angry. I also tell him that I need to resolve the issue within myself and I can only let it go when I am ready to. Then, like I've also been taught in Al Anon, I let it go and am fine to let the alcoholic sit in his own discomfort.